Lately sitting down to write has not come easy. Partly because I’ve felt my thoughts have been anything but inspirational, hopeful, or weaved together well.
So here are my broken words–
Life has left me broken; feeling acutely aware of all my faults, all I lack, and how I’ve fallen short of who I want to be. For a whole slew of reasons I’ve come face to face with a version of myself I always tried to ignore or simply believed was not really part of me, but part of a situation.
“No, that’s not me, that’s part of my postpartum depression.”
“No, that’s not me, it’s part of the stress of moving twice in just over a month.”
“No, that’s not me, that’s part of being sleep deprived and up all night with Parker. ”
No, no, no, no, no….
But, I’m done with the excuses. I’m tired of letting my temper and my unruly side get the better of me. I’m tired of dumping it on my husband and son. I’ve decided to step up to the mirror and own up to even the ugliest parts of me; the parts I try to turn away from or hide in my closet. It’s time for me to get them out, sort through the uglies, and decide how to conquer them; how to make them beauties.
I keep reminding myself of this promise:
“… for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)
I really do believe that. Or at least I’m trying to believe that. I want it badly. I want to be able to contain my temper, even during stressful times. I want to be kind to my husband, even when I’m low on sleep. I want to have more patience with my son, even if I’m sick and depleted.
Because when in life will I be able to say I’m not stressed about something? Probably sometimes. But, not very often.
In the end, I want my happiness and kindness to be in my court, not dependent on perfect situations. Because life, as beautiful and wonderful as it is, is rarely a perpetual, perfect situation.
How have you overcome personal traits that you didn’t want in your life? I would love your advice as I am on my own journey of overcoming!