What I hope I will do different for Baby #2

Even before we got pregnant with this second baby, I wondered how I would do it all over again; the sleepless nights, the teething, the sleep training, the nursing. I struggled a lot with postpartum depression with my first and so that was on my mind a ton, too. How would I prepare my family, what would I do differently, how could I prevent the onslaught of crazy emotions, and most of all–how could I make this next experience better.

Not that having Parker was bad, but it definitely was hard. A lot harder than I expected. The emotions and depression threw me and my husband for a loop. Not only was it hard to see myself in that condition, but I think it was harder for my husband to see me like that–to try to help, but not quite know what to do.

So what will I change, what will I do differently this time around? Really–what has my first baby taught me:

What I hope I will do different

1. Fill that Prescription. Like yesterday. I noticed with Parker that I was struggling. I was anxious a lot, I was frustrated a lot, and then I started having feelings of “I just want to run away” or “my family would be better off without me” or “can’t I just get out of here?!” I also started having feelings of wanting to hurt myself and my baby, which in my right mind, would not be there. Basically, I should have jumped in my car first thing and went to my doctor. DON’T wait for that 6 week appointment. That’s just 6 week’s of downright crazy. Don’t wait until you have all the signs and symptoms that every website lists. Just know if you are feeling worse and then talk to your doctor. You don’t have to be on the prescription forever, I definitely wasn’t, but it will sure help in the beginning while you’re getting used to almost no sleep, taking care of another human, and trying to wrap your mind around all the crying. Again, this is for me. It may not work for everyone, but this is for me.

2. “This will not last forever.”– Probably the most important thing I’ve learned is that these stages really do not last forever. I remember crying to my mom that I was worried I would hate motherhood, because my 3 week old was just not leaving me feeling fulfilled or happy. {Not completely surprising}.

977824_10200800162741418_611722807_oThe stages of waking up every 3 hours at night or sitting in the mothers room for almost the entire church block, or being up with a teething baby DO END. They are so short. I almost have forgotten about them already, which is crazy, because they seemed never-ending at the time. But really, they pass. Soon you are getting a full night’s rest, you are sitting in church with your hands empty listening to a lesson while he’s playing in nursery, and then during the day your baby is playing with toys in the other room entertaining themselves. And then… to top it off they hug and kiss you and tell you gushy things like “I love luuu, mom!” It’s wonderful. So believe that things will change for the better, and that most likely you’ll love motherhood. There’s a reason why lots of people have multiple babies!

3. Get a routine, but let it slide- sometimes. I love routines. I thrive on them and so does Parker. He likes to know what he can expect and so do I. I like that he naturally settles down for nap when I tell him I’m grabbing a vitamin and milk… because he knows he gets to read stories and then rest. I like that I can depend on when to get things done and when to meet people for something due to being predictable. And I like having time to myself and with my husband. It just works for me.

923247_10151641119126763_1750822069_nBut, I’ve also experienced a whole lot of stress and anger (embarrassed about that) when my routine is thrown off. I’ll sit there frustrated that he isn’t in bed, even if we are doing something fun. I’ll worry that the routine will never be the same…. yaddy, yaddy, yada. But, really, it will work out. He’ll make up for it some other day that week, or he’ll take a longer nap at some point, or… he’ll teeth the next night and be up all night and then we’ll be zonked the next day. Whatev. It’s just life. So when you get handed a fun opportunity and it’s not going to be an everyday thing. Do it. Break the routine. Make a memory. And just.have.fun.

4.Thank my husband MORE and have less pity parties. Man, even though he didn’t birth the baby or carry the baby, he sure did do a lot. For me, it was easy to get into this mind set that everything was about me during pregnancy and after birth. I wined a bit, lets be honest. Granted my hormones were wacky and I was healing like no body’s business, BUT, he was doing so much too. I wasn’t the only one sleep deprived, I wasn’t the only one trying to make sense of everything that had changed.

268806_10151641119191763_2021570266_nI wish I would have realized that having a baby is a family matter, even more than I did, and that my physical scars would heal quickly.Β  I wish I would have thought more about my husband, instead of feeling bad for myself. From working to PAY for the babe, to being there when I went crazy. From calling my mom FOR ME at 1 in the morning, because he knew I needed to talk to someone, to loving me and telling me I was enough, over and over and over. He really was a champ. I wish I would have pulled myself out of my pity parties more and bonded more with him.

Overall, I’m just excited for another baby. I’m so grateful for what my 1st has taught me, and I can only imagine this one will teach me a whole lot more in so many different ways.Β  I’m excited to try the whole process again, hopefully with a little less stress than before. It’s amazing how experience can change us and teach us. Although, here’s to trying it out with having a 2 1/2 year old. We’ll see how that goes… and hopefully take it in stride.

What have you learned from your kids?… How’s that for a loaded question? πŸ™‚

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5 thoughts on “What I hope I will do different for Baby #2

  1. I love this! Especially number one, I didn’t struggle when I was pregnant so much with Porter as I am with this pregnancy! Depression from pregnancy or post partem is real and I think people dislike the stigma attached, I’m glad you’re open about that.

    I feel like this time around I’ll let a lot of things slide more – and try to be more patient! There were a few nights when my patience level was at zero and poor Porter suffered for it. They’re just babies and they don’t mean to make us exhausted and crazy!

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    • I agree! I feel like there is a stigma attached to depression that makes people want to avoid talking about it. I almost had a hard time typing the words that I felt. But I feel like we are normal to experience it! And so talking about it just makes everything better πŸ™‚ And I agree so much about the late nights and having no patience. I think so much of my mommy guilt has come from how I handled situations with little patience. I’m so grateful for the atonement that helps me overcome these things and I hope I’ll be more patient this time around too! πŸ™‚

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  2. I think you are on point with ALL of these!! Especially remembering that “this will not last forever.” That’s something I wish I had realized sooner. But luckily with my second I did remember it and it has made all the difference! It’s crazy how when you are experiencing it it really does feel like it will last forever. I hate that it feels that way! Lol I have bad post partum depression too. After my second was born I had more anxiety than depression, which was weird. ..and they both suck…im not sure which one I’d rather experience less. Lol. But as soon as I felt those horrible familiar feelings again I took action fast! And im glad I did. (I also think having anxiety vs depression helped me act faster because I felt so frantic.) If you ever need someone to talk to I’d be happy to help! Having friends makes a difference too. After my second was born I made a goal to go outside more during the week. It’s amazing what a little sunshine does for your soul! πŸ™‚

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    • I’m so glad you could relate, Shelby! I agree, I feel like just knowing that things will end will be so helpful, because with Parker I really thought it would be like that for so long! And I’m sorry you’ve had post partum depression too. I feel like so many of us do, which makes sense with all the lack of sleep and hormones going on! But, really it is hard. I think your goal to get out is awesome. I agree, sunshine is natures best medicine πŸ™‚ Although, I have to say, that is one reason why I’m nervous about a winter baby… not being able to go outside. But hopefully it all goes well! Thanks for reading and reaching out! It’s so nice to have friends who understand and relate! πŸ™‚

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  3. It always strikes me how much we think we know going into a pregnancy or trying for a new baby and how many things we actually do change the next time around. Never having actually met and dealt with the second half of this equation (the new baby), it’s always a surprise what things he/she changes for us with no forethought on the matter at all. A new life will always be different……my husband and I thought we were great parents the first time around and then we had our second and found out we knew nothing at all! LOL. I know you guys will make the changes you’ve mentioned, but I bet your new baby has even more in store for you than those. πŸ™‚

    As to the PPD, I never suffered from that but I’ve heard and read how very debilitating that can be for not only the mother, but the family. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that the first time. I’m very glad you are going in with your eyes wide open this time as far as that’s concerned and I’m glad you won’t wait to make that call if you need to. Your bigger family is going to need you to be your very best and I know you will come through with flying colours.

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