The best choices I made for myself

There seems to be a notion among ladies that getting married is practically selling your soul to a life of boredom and having children is waving goodbye to your health, good looks, and happiness. Before embarking on my journey with both, I didn’t have much to say–I spoke on faith alone that marriage and motherhood would bring happiness. But now? Now I speak from experience; from evidence in my own life. best choices marriage motherhoodYes, if we’re speaking in terms of doing what is best for yourself–marriage and motherhood are simply a good choice. It isn’t choosing a life of giving up all you love, it is gaining a life of meaning.

If you marry well–marriage will be no where close to living a life of boredom, it’s the opposite. It’s getting so comfortable with one person, you feel you can be your absolute crazy self, your whole self–no feeling of trying to impress or be something you’re not. You have a best friend who will be there to wipe away your tears, vent your frustrations to, and be a crazy nut with, all without a second thought of them judging you. No, marriage has been my happiest years, my craziest years, and my most fulfilling all in one.

Not only that, it has been best for my self-worth, too. There is someone who knows all about me, seen all of me, and never leaves. No one-night stands here. There is someone who inspires me in my goals, keeps me accountable for what I’m working on, and reminds me day-in and day-out that I’m beautiful and worthwhile–even when I feel ugly and insignificant. Never have I been more self-assured than since I’ve been married.

And now about the kids.

When I was pregnant, I heard two girls behind me talking about their friend who was pregnant. One of them expressed her disdain for pregnancy and said:

“Pregnancy completely ruins your body.”

While pregnancy can be taxing, strenuous, and dangerous, most of all–it is beautiful. It doesn’t completely ruin your body. That is a hoax. In reality, it fulfills its purpose. I’ve never felt so whole or complete, than after I had my baby. Pregnancy and motherhood have brought me happiness, not stolen it away.

Since having my first, I’m healthier than before. I have way more reason to hit the gym, than simply wanting a slim bod. I workout and eat right because there are little ones I want to play with, memories I want to have, and a life I want to live. Yes, motherhood has fueled my desire to live and growing a baby inside me has never gotten in the way.

“Being a mother is not what you gave up to have a child, but what you gained from having one.”–Unknown

Don’t believe the lie that marriage and motherhood will strip the fun out of life; that marriage will confine you to a dull relationship and motherhood will make your body damaged goods, because it simply is not that way. If you do believe the lie, you may be robbing yourself of the greatest happiness you’ll ever know.

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19 thoughts on “The best choices I made for myself

  1. Wow…. what a beautiful perspective on being a wife and mom…! You really pricked my heart! It’s true that there are challenging days in both roles that might prompt the more negative beliefs accepted as norm, but we have to choose to see the bright sides like the ones you described….One of my devotional verses this a.m. was to “do everything without complaining or arguing…Phil. 2:14” and your words today made me super mindful not to fall into the trap I found myself in yesterday of throwing my own little wife/mom pity party! Thanks for a wake up call of the best kind. Happy Monday!

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    • Heather, I think you are so right. I think the challenging days we have in our roles as a spouse or parent often lead people to believe that there are ONLY challenging days. But really, there is a bright side, too. I guess I wanted to shed light on the fact that there is beauty and benefits to choosing a life of family. 🙂 Loved your devotional verse too! I could definitely apply that in my life right now! Thank you for your comment and reading! 🙂

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    • I’m so glad that this post resonated with you, Hannah! I hoped to speak up for the real happiness that family brings into our life–because my little family brings me the greatest happiness I’ve known. I’m so glad to know that you experience this happiness with your boys, as well! 🙂

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  2. Just this morning I had two friends over who were talking about how they waited to get married so they could “experience life,” then after they got married waited to have kids for lots of years so they could have fun with their spouse before settling down. I sat silent and when they left I felt totally deflated. I didn’t do either of those things… And then I read this. Marla, thank you. I’m so glad I got married and had kids when I did. I know that those choices I made have blessed my life so much! Thanks for the reminder, which was so incredibly timely (you have no idea!).

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    • Chelsi, I’m so glad that this post could refresh your spirit. Just like you, I am so glad that I got married and started our family when it happened. There is so much joy that comes from family! 🙂 I am so glad the message was timely for your, Chelsi! It has been weighing heavily on my mind, as well! 🙂

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  3. This was a really great read! I agree with you so much! Pregnancy and marriage don’t ruin anything; in fact, they give you an even better and more fulfilling reason to live. Love this post!

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    • Stephanie, I LOVE what you said “Pregnancy and marriage don’t ruin anything; in fact, they give you an even better and more fulfilling reason to live.” That is so true. After getting married and having Parker, I have never felt so purposeful and happy. It is amazing how growing another life can make your own life feel so full and alive. I hope your pregnancy is going well! 🙂

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  4. I totally agree with you! I am so much more fulfilled and motivated than l was before marriage and parenthood. Somehow l just want to make the most of every day, and most days feel like a complete adventure 🙂

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    • Yes! I completely agree! I do love that about marriage and parenthood–no two days are alike. Each day is an adventure full of discoveries and wonder. I love that I am more motivated to be more and to do more. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! 🙂

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    • Exactly, Sasha! I feel the same way. Yes, marriage and children can be taxing… But it has refined me and beautified my life in ways I never imagined. Family really is a beautiful life. And I so agree, the benefits and joys of family need to be heard more and more these days. 🙂

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    • But, I have to say too–your writing is supporting marriage, virtue, and real love in the world, and I’m so glad your voice is being heard. You are such a wonderful influence!

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  5. This is beautiful… I must agree 100%. I got married 7 days after graduating college. Just months before my 21st birthday. I had never lived anywhere besides in my parents home. Peers, extended family and acquaintances said I was way too young- I had not enjoyed life yet. They said I would regret it, and would most likely end in divorce. We are going on to 6 years… And it has not been easy. But most definitely it has been a rewarding path. “Experiencing life” was just not for me. I am a wife and mother of two.. And I love it.

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    • I LOVE what you said. My story is so similar to yours, so I can definitely relate. I truly believe a couple can work it out if they are truly both committed to each other, even if they are younger than the average. And I agree with you about parenting, too. I’m happy with my experiences in life and so happy to be a mother, even if my life story is different from others. So glad to have found you in this blogging world!! 🙂

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  6. Marla, I have to agree… marriage sometimes get such an unfavorable reputation, and yes, it is easy to become cynical… but you’re right, if you marry well… choose well…. it is such a gift! I have learned so much about what it means to love someone unconditionally and what it means to be loved because of my husband! I also agree, motherhood has given me so much joy. When I start to feel overwhelmed by it all (and actually today I was totally overwhelmed), I am reminded that I am SO blessed to have these little rascals in my life. I can’t even express it in words at times. 🙂

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    • Yes, it saddens me so much, that marriage is becoming less and less worthwhile to so many. And I completely agree, through marriage and family I am really learning how to love and BE loved. And the love has changed me. Yes, we love our rascals and are forever grateful even when we’re feeling like we are going crazy! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Kim! 🙂

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  7. This is beautiful!!! I get so bummed for people who view marriage & babies as prison or burdens. They are missing out! There is not freedom in those thoughts. What a beautiful post this was!

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