We are all well acquainted with leftovers–Thanksgiving this last week has made me quite aware of the phenomenon. It’s the part of the meal left after a feast; the part that gets thrown in a tupperware or tossed.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been giving my husband a lot of leftovers. After a long day taking care of my rambunctious boy, I swear he’s eaten up all my energy. When my husband walks in the door, my mood is short and I’m at the end of my rope. I give him my love, but in the end, I’m pretty much handing him leftovers, offering him what’s left of me in a tupperware. ‘”Take it or toss it,” I feel in my heart. I’m ready to mindlessly surf the internet or veg until we go to bed.
Am I the only one who struggles with this?? It saddens me, but it’s true.
Everyday I want to give our little boy the best of me, he is one of my greatest treasures. I’ve never felt my heart latch onto another person in the way my heart instinctively latched onto his. I’ve never felt so much worry and utter happiness until he came along.
Yet, I distinctly feel my relationship with my husband should be first, even before my little ones. It is close parents who set the tone, bring stability, and model love and kindness in a home. Couldn’t I try a little harder to give my husband a fresher, more loving heart–instead of my cold heart in a tupperware?
“Those who enter into marriage should be fully prepared to establish their marriage as the first priority in their lives.”- James E. Faust
My husband, he’s the love of my life, my best friend, and my greatest confidant. He provides for me. He became my one and only the day we were sealed for eternity and I intend on keeping him mine forever. He is the daddy to my boy; the man I’ll still be dating when our little ones have grown. He is the one whose wrinkly hand I hope to hold as we watch our family grow.
So today, I’m committing to saving more of myself for my husband–more than just measly, cold leftovers for a heart.
How do you save energy and time for your husband or significant other? How do you make your husband feel loved and cherished even when you’re tired?
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A Pendulum World 
Thanks for your sweet comments on my blog yesterday! : ) And I hear ya girl! It’s a struggle for sure- no matter how old your kiddos are. It’s always a choice– but one that is so worth the time and effort- even just cooking (or picking up!) his favorite meal or making sure to always always stop what your doing just for a minute and greet him with a hug and a kiss and an “I’m so glad you’re home” It doesn’t always have to be grand gestures! It sounds like your heart is in the right place and I know you’ll find your rhythm! Happy Thursday!
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Thank you so much, Heather, for sharing your thoughts! And it was my pleasure, I’m glad I could connect with you! š But you are so right–loving our husbands and putting them first is a conscious choice. And it is so true–it can be the littlest things that make a husband feel loved and important. I love your ideas to just stop what I’m doing and give him a meaningful welcome. Such an easy thing, yet would go a long way, instead of saying “Hey! Here’s our kid–he has a poppy diaper!” š Thank you again for sharing your ideas, I loved them!
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Awww : ) You’re so welcome girl!! : )
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I love this post becasue it is so true . Life is crazy wheater you are a mom a student or work by the end of the day we all seem to be tired and not our best self ! I deciede when I got married that no matter what happened to me during the day I would greet my hubby with a smile and a kiss . I give him at least an hour of down time weather it be with me or by him self . At that point if I am having a bad day or am really tired I et him know whats going on, but try not to unload everything on him at once (: . I know that one of THE most helpful things for me is taking 30 min to yourslef before hubby gets home . I like to meditate , do yoga, or put on some cute clothes and do my make up, go on a relaxing walk and just unwind from then day . Sometimes this just means during my drive home from work/school I listen to peaceful music and try to clear my mind and be happy , Since alot of time I get home after my hubby . I have learned that no matter how crazy life is you have to take time for your self if you are going to be good at taking care of others . In order for me to to be happy and loving toward my husband I need to be happy and loving toward mydelf . Good luck !
P.S you are probobly one of the nicest sweetest people i have ever met so i am sure you are doing just fine (;
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Chelsey, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts–you are so sweet! You had so many great ideas. I especially love what you said at the end “In order for me to be happy and loving toward my husband I need to be happy and loving toward myself.” So true, we need to try to take care of ourselves as much as possible so that there is still love to give. We can’t give when we’re empty! And also, loved your idea of giving your husband downtime when he gets home–that is a reminder I needed. Because I often am just so relieved he is home that I dump a lot on him. Thank you for sharing, Chelsey! It means so much to me š So glad I know you!
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Oh this is such a struggle for me too:/
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I’m so glad you could relate, Elisha! We’re in this together, trying to figure out mothering and wife-ing (not a word, but oh well) along the way. Thanks for understanding the struggle! š
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This is so true! I fell asleep with my kids at 7:45 last night and didn’t have the energy to muster up even a little conversation when my husband got home. I didn’t even save him leftovers (literally and figuratively). š¦ you are right. Our relationship with our spouse should never take the backseat. I need to do so much better here too. When we got married someone gave us a book by John Bytheway (I wish I remembered the title!) on marriage that was really excellent. He hit on this a lot and it put things into perspective. Such a good post! Thanks, Marla!!
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Well, it sounds like you definitely needed that sleep! š I’ve definitely had days when I feel like I didn’t connect with my husband at all for one reason or another. Either I was too exhausted or we were running to meetings. But, all in all, it is our steady trying that means the most. Even if our relationship takes a backseat some nights, at least we are trying to put it in the front seat every day. We’ll get there. š Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Chelsi!
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Marla, you have such insight into such important topics. Thanks for sharing this. You are 100% correct that you will grow old together, and hopefully look back without any regrets. You are an inspiration to me. I feel so fortunate to be your dad.
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You have hit on something important, but it is also hard to do 100% everyday.And that is life too. I use to make sure I picked up the toys before he came home from work. It helped to create a calmer arrival. I really like the idea of “freshening up” before he arrives too. But the little things go along way. Also, a weekly date and looking in their eyes when they talk. Even if you have heard the story before. Also, ask him what he values most. š
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I love you advice, Mom! I think you are right, it is hard to do it 100% of the time. There are sometimes just days that are really rough. But, I figure if I can do it more often, he’ll know I still care when the rough day hits. I also agree that cleaning up and freshening up can do wonders! You’ve encouraged and reminded me that I should do it more often! Love you, Mom, and thank you for sharing your thoughts! š
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Thank you so much, Dad! I have such a desire to be happy and bring happiness to Sam, too. I do look forward to the many years ahead and hope that I’ll learn how to make him feel appreciated and valued. I love you, Dad! Thank you for being an inspiration to me! š
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Marla, you are such a giving and tender soul. In recognizing what you need to do you are already on the way toward doing it. There will always be a struggle for balance in life, be it in raising children, a career, etc. I have no doubt you will succeed in finding your balance.
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Karen, thank you so much for your kindness. Your words mean so much to me! I agree with and love what you said: “In recognizing what you need to do you are already on the way toward doing it.” And I completely agree, those of us who stay at home with children and those who have spent their day at work are in the same boat with this. It is just hard to muster up energy at the end of the day when we see our spouse. Thank you for your words of encouragement, Karen! š
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This is SUCH a great reminder for us mommies who pour out so much in our kids…but have little left to give to our husbands. I will keep this close at heart, Marla. I love the analogy because it is so true… you are wiser than your years! š
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You are absolutely right, Kim. We give so much to our little ones that often it seems we are empty when they come home. It is unfortunate, but I feel like just recognizing that it happens, makes me more determined to save up my reserve and do the extra little things to let him know he really is my number one. Thank you so much for your thoughts, Kim! š
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It’s a struggle for me too. With 3 kids, running my own business and trying to maintain a household..marriage stuff kind of falls to the wayside. We’re in a tough place right now but we’ve weathered many storms and I’m hunkered down and praying for calmer waters
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I can totally see how it can be a struggle–it is a struggle for me and I have only one child! We really can get exhausted and our husbands can too. I admire your desire to stick with it and weather the storms. That is such a wonderful trait and so needed in the world. Sending thoughts of calmer waters your way, Ashley, thank you for your comment š
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Beautiful Marla!!
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Thank you so much, Sasha!! š
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Such timely words, thank you for this post! It reminds me of a saying that, the best thing a father can do for their child is to love their mother, and the best thing a mother can do their child is to love their father. I’m not sure where it originated from, but it does remind us that role modelling our love to our partner also sends positive messages to our children. I love this post š
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Yes, I was thinking of the same phrase as I was writing it! I believe it came Theodore Hesburgh. I read a talk about it once and it stayed with me. It is this talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/love-her-mother?lang=eng#1-PD50029123_000_4040
Anyway, I completely agree, it seems counter-intuitive that the best thing you can do for your child is to love someone ELSE (your spouse) so fully and completely. But really two bonded parents give that stable foundation and framework that all children and people crave. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. š
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I can relate so much to this, Marla. Just that you even wrote this, shows how much you love your husband and value your marriage. Young motherhood takes a lot of energy and I’ve talked with so many other moms with little ones who feel exhausted by the end of the day. I know I do. I wish I could say I have the answer, but really, I’m at a very similar place as you. I don’t want to give my husband my leftovers, but sometimes I feel that I do. I often feel so depleted by the end of the day, like I have nothing left to give. Yet I know God is gracious and so is my husband…
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Thank you so much for your heartfelt comment, Hannah. It really is a struggle that I think all mothers go through. We give all we have and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhuasted. But, what you said in the end got me thinking. I really feel that we can pray to have the energy we need to give to our husbands. God gives me energy to keep going as a mother, and I believe he will give me the energy I don’t have at the end of the day, to be a loving wife. God is so good, and He will help us as we strive to love our husbands. š Thank you for being so real!
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Love love love. This is a very real struggle and I’m now acutely aware of not giving even my sons my left overs after a full day of work, Its so hard not to give into our exhaustion and frustration at times and then the ones we love the most suffer for it. Hate that! Good for you for noticing abd trying to do something about it. It happens to everyone! But when you know better, you do better…even if it’s hard āŗ
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I can totally imagine that would be a real struggle, Rachael, to come home and want to give your all to your boys, but be exhausted. At some point when you have the time (no hurry!), I’d love to read a good post just to know how you’re doing, how your work and boys are doing. I keep thinking about you this week, hoping you are doing well. š Anyways, I completely agree with what you said “When you know better, you do better…even if it is hard.” SO true. Thanks for your sweet comment, Rachael!
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ššā¤ i am hoping to blog me heart away this weekend since i wibt have to wake up at 4:45 am!! Miss you blog friend!
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I’ve been struggling with this too! Between sleeplessness and entertaining the baby during the day it’s so hard to give more than “leftovers.” Beautifully written!
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Seriously! Having babies is such a wear on us mama’s. The sleepless nights, and the alert days, can leave us almost living in a daze. But, I’m coming to realize that even if I can offer him one more sweet smile, or a meaningful kiss, than he is bound to know I care. š Thank you for your sweet comment! Looking forward to reading more on your blog, too!
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